P.S. Emotional writing

Okay first of all- SEVERE WEATHER ALERT! We have a huge front that keeps moving through the nation/world showering us with over-stimulation of  science-fiction-like news terror updates on phones and TV(mine on my computer), people claiming to be THE authority playing duck duck goose, mixed with the megaphoning sounds of nature that have not been heard in wayyy toooo longggg. I find my tolerance is a bit ragged from the cumulative intensity of this mix, so I've decided to stop adding to the volume that surrounds us (both scary and beautiful). I apologize for screaming my posts since all this happened. I think we know each other well enough now, to just drop the yelling and send posts labeled, P.S., okay with you?  It's hard to scream P.S, too. If you forget what it means, I will remind you, it's really okay.

I've been looking for a group that meets for EW, that is emotional writers,but I haven't found an ewanonymous yet, so I keep writing  a lot, more than in years. I like to think of it as sharing harmless observations, but the truth is vulnerability slips out in and around the words I post. Aren't we all vulnerable underneath the madabout? the frustration? the fear of what is really happening? How bizarre to be in the same spot at the same time. We can't just say "Jane is having a tough time, let's come together and support her." Jane and Christy and Sam and John and everyone else - we're all in a challenging historic time, so how do we help others when we need help, too?

Distractions, poems, lovely pictures, cracker jack jokes, chipper reminders that this will not last forever run right up against impending doom and the unhappy end of creation. Distractions run out of batteries after a while, for me. I can still feel the scrappy shards of sharp metal afearedness way down deep; hanging out with Miss Have no control over this stuff. ugh. What can we do in all of this impossibility?

I wonder if we start by going to the mirror. (Not in the dark, don't ever look in the mirror in the dark. On the off chance you do, don't call me.) Take a good long look (keep your glasses on or it doesn't count) and speak the truth. "Hey friend, WTF, right?"

The only way I know to be able to help each other is if we take care of ourselves, first. You might say,"Oh for heaven's sake, church chick. So you think you've got your own sneaky way around this shit?" and I would say, " Hardly, my friend, but don't think I've haven't tried to find one. Why just this day, today, when asked by a Hilton rep if she could do anything else to help me, I asked if she could get rid of this virus and she said she only wished she could. Later, friend, after ordering a ton of How to get through grief books, the fake person, Sherry asked me the same thing and I responded the same. I wish I had been able to insert a box that said I'm not a robot, because I'm pretty sure she was. Her answer was 'That item is no longer available'."

If you think that sounds wayyy too simple, think again. There are times when I believe it is easier to help or think you are helping someone else than it is to take the time to find your own self and understand what it is you need. Tough work there. Neverending. Hugely important. A significant challenge on a good day, nevermind days full of disorientation amid ghostly wisps of dangerous germs.

I find it is not so easy to be a good friend to my own self sometimes, maybe giving ourselves permission is a start- different people find different ways and means to their own recipe for self-care.
Some people may cry every day,(salt masks are good for the skin) or say bad words (do it DO IT); some may draw or paint or read, read, read. Others might watch mindless tv (or watch Real Housewives and swear it's really a documentary in disguise) or listen to podcasts (Oprah, baby), sing along with Spotify (I'm talking loud, not just mouthing the words) or sew or do some yarning. There are folks who might take walks outside where the birds like to tell about their days or sit in the grass and feel Spring.(masks help more than save you/me- they work great against pollen!) Some video chat with their friends and families, because that can help heal tender hearts. Some hold tight to their faith,and their faith leaders' messages. Some people keep up their therapuke, hoping it helps untie those pesky knots. Some write a lot. alot lot. There are many many tiny measures that help carry us from one unreal moment to the next, and what I see throughout those tiny measures is a thread of  exactly what we are  missing and aching for the most - connection. Connection in these times, may not look or feel the same, but it is so important to our emotional human growth and survival and , interestingly enough, I keep finding it in the things other people are doing in a time when we are forced to be apart.  It appears as if despite the rules to keep physical distance, we keep searching for  ways to remember each other, and to remember we are in this together. Some might call that Hope.