Bye Biz. bye

Waiting. waiting. Waiting for the UPS man to get here. Waiting for the stop sign to turn green so I can go. Waiting in the waiting room for news of the new baby. Waiting for Biz's installation crew to arrive. Waiting.  Is it ever easy?
Today is the day. tick tick tick. Our magic publications/communications guy came into my office and sat in the talking chair and waited with me for a while. I felt like he needed to say something, the way he kept leaning forward opening his mouth and then sitting back  shaking his head, mouth closed. I tried to work but my gut said he needed to speak so I stopped and looked over at him. "What is it?"
"Well." His voice quieted as he looked softly at me.
"It's almost time. You know we'll need to get a last copy count before they... before they disconnect.... before they end..."
"Just say it, will you? Bizzy needs last rites before they pull the plug!"
He nodded."Do you want me to do it?"
" No, I should be the one. It will give me closure. Do I need to go now?"
"Yes. I think it's time."
sigh.

one year old and still copying up a storm

Biz

I want to update you on our pal, Biz. I may have already done this, but since he’s been with us for nearly a year now it is clearly time to sing Happy Birthday Biz, buddy. !! This passing of time brings Pre-Biz memories back to me. I recall when his predecessor was on his /her last wheel. Toshiba and I hadbonded. Yes, we had become close. Really close. I knew just what place to tap and where to whisper sweet nothings in order to get the print jobs done. I knew somewhere inside my soul that Toshiba’s time was up, but I just couldn’t admit it to my self.

Then, an opening came up in a retirement home for wayward copy machines, and we basically made arrangements to ship Toshiba out. The thing is, though, that the new resting place for Toshiba for some reason was delayed, and so Toshiba ended up hanging out in the hall for a few weeks. It made me sad in my heart because I felt like we were sending an old friend to the glue factory. Toshiba had been very good to the church, and had helped us through many copy projects during his/her tenure. I mean, think about it. You work hard, give your best years to the workplace, and then BAP, BaAm, you are thrown out with the trash. Sad, sad in my heart I tell you.

Then to add insult to injury, here comes the new whipper snapper guy; Biz. Shiny, reeking of a strong imported plastic cologne. Fit as a fiddle, bigger, better, or seemingly so. I really empathized with Toshiba the day we moved Biz in. Here was all this attention from suited tech geeks, giving all their time and energy to the “new guy” and where is the one who had helped us through countless funerals ? and where was the one who had given the best years of his life to insure weddings were announced in clear and crisp bulletins? Newsletters, preschool color ing sheets, financial reports? Toshiba had made all that happen and now, he sits in the hallway wearing a look that says, “ Geesh, You work your toner off and look what happens, the newbie wins out. Life isn’t fair for electronics either, sometimes.”

Meanwhile, life seemed to just keep going on within the busy church as if nothing was different. The events ebbed and flowed, mostly flowed. People came and went. Other props and equipment transitioned from usefulness to retirement. Enter Christmas lights.

We used web type Christmas lights over the bushes for a particular season, and for some reason, they bonded with the bushes and were never removed and then were forgotten. Periodically at staff meeting, the issue would come up of – Are they still there? Or, When are the lights going to be taken off the bushes? Still, they stayed. Eventually, we began to notice that the bushes lining the sidewalk were looking a little scraggly. A couple of members noticed, too. My best buddy, E and I went out to take a look and immediately realized that the landscapers were not going to trim the bushes until the lights were removed, so we proceeded to pull them off and out of the jaws of the growing bushes. It was like playing tug of war. The bushes tightened their grip when we pulled against them. In the end, we managed to collect most of the lights in tact, leaving most of the bushes tired and ready for a haircut.

The next problem was what to do with them. My office is already wearing all the small white lights it can handle, and most closets are already overflowing…. Hmmm. We carried the bundles of lights inside and as we passed through the “sad zone”, where the Toshiba was waiting to be picked up and taken to the glue factory, I stopped. E and I looked at each other. And a little flicker blinked between our brains. We covered the retired machine with lights and plugged them in. Immediately the lonely and rejected machine began to stand straighter. The bypass tray fell open , reaching out to us as if to say,” here, take my handshake with love and appreciation.” We left it there for several days and I noticed that many of the members and staff that had used it all those many years, changed their perspective. Instead of completely ignoring the cast- out machine, they began reminiscing over successful printing jobs from the past. The lights seemed to shift the energy and aura of the Toshiba.

A few days before the pick up van for The Retirement Home for Useless Copiers truck was due to arrive, a hallway miracle occurred. Right there in the Methodist church, I tell you no lie.

A member traipsed into the church, and trekked down the hall. The lights caught his eyes. He stopped. He looked. He wondered, “What in the H--?” but before he could say those words, a funny thing happened. He dropped his pen. It fell in between the lights and landed somewhere under the light bush with a plunk. It wasn’t until he reached in to retrieve his favorite gel writing utensil, that he realized the lights were covering the old copy machine. “ Hey? Does this thing still work?” he asked the air around him. The Toshiba trembled at the comment. The subtle movement created a lightslide and the lights fell to the ground , landing at the base of the copy machine. I think the lights and the machine had bonded during their time together. I don’t know how else to explain it. The lights lovingly laid down their illumination for this teddybear of a Toshiba.

The man rushed to the business administrator’s office and within minutes, the Toshiba was rolling proudly down the hall to the man’s van. Several of the staff and the front desk receptionist followed the twosome and stood at the doors of the church waving to our old friend and wishing him/her well. I’ve heard of foster programs for cats and dogs, but never copy machines. On the other hand, I can’t think of a better place for our old friend.

A few months later, I heard through the grapevine that the experience of foster parenting our old copy machine had worked out so well, that the man had started a second chance adoption agency for used machines.
Oh, the miracles of church work.

Biz

I don’t know if I have written about our new copy machine, Biz. Our superman IT guy searched far and wide to find the perfect fit for our needs. The process had the feel of an overseas adoption- minus some of the paperwork, and in some ways parallels that process with one exception being he did not have to fly oversees to see the new “babe”.. When the fateful arrival day came along, and the baby blanket-like bubblewrapped new kid on the block was delivered into his new home, the copy room “nursery” I liked him immediately. He seemed a little adolescentish in his demeanor, his buttons and sound. As I’ve gotten to know him, I would say that initial observation has proven true. He can be temperamental and obstinate, and is a little complicated to manage at times, but we have bonded…. As well as you can bond with a copy machine. Being a mom of older children, I probably shouldn’t say this, but to tell you the truth, he is a little easier to understand than some (who shall remain nameless) adolescents I have known.

I put a note on him when he first came to us saying something like, “ Hi. I am Biz, the new copy machine. I am wary of strangers. If you have any questions, please ask Melanie, thank you.” Yes, I took the youngster, new and shiny as he was under my wing, loved him, nurtured him, programmed him to accept staff color copy requests.

That note has saved us many a service visit from the BizHub people, I’m sure. Over time, I put my own cheat sheet of how to work the machine up on the wall behind him, so I can go in and just read and follow. Being elderly in my ability to recall directions, the directions on the wall were a purely selfish move…I recall seeing the 5 operating direction books that came with him when he first was born into our church family, and realized pretty darn quick, that unless I was having trouble with insomnia, those books really held no real usefulness or meaning for me. The wall pictures and notes came in handy for others, too, but I discovered if you weren’t standing in just the right place, you would not notice the quick how- to directions, so I traced my feet in silver marker on the floor in front of the machine. That unfortunate visual has somehow helped the ability of others to use Biz tremendously. When you look down to see if your feet are in the right spots, you are forced to notice the keypad that holds all the buttons the directions refer to in the How To Use sheet on the wall. Sounds silly, I know. But hey, if it works, right?

A respite day off

Today I took a day off. I had a few vacation days I didn't want to lose, so I'm taking them while we are still in an even numbered year. I love my job. You can read back through and see that. I love the Christmas lights I line my walls with all year long, I love creating different mixages for the staff consumption ( We are presently enjoying Melanie's Merry Christmas Mix which is almonds, chocolate, mini marshmallows, pineapple, cashews and good cheer)

I love filing, and I especially enjoy the challenge of filing something one day and trying to remember how and where I filed it the next. State of mind has everything to do with it and mine is everchanging. I like typing, scheduling events , ohhhh running the postal machine, distributing mail. I love putting people on hold. (Never do this when angry, you tend to forget them)

I like helping people understand Biz, our new copy machine. Biz and I are buds. I like hearing the folding machine going a mile a minute, because it means our tech guy is running a large mailing and that means that I'm not. I like running last minute errands for the dress rehearsal, or grabbing box lunches for a meeting. So many things to keep me busy.

I most especially like to tell my boss his next appointment is here. Yes, I love my job.

So I decided to take a day away from all this. Yes, friends. I took a day off. I needed to do something for me, something to feed my spirit. To renew my inner chia. So, I went to my home church and spent the day. I chatted with my favorite mentor church chick over church chickfeed,
I hugged every staff member i saw. I checked in with the business administrator to see how business is being administrated today, I planned the Christmas breakfast that I'm in charge of organizing this weekend. I cleaned out a box of crafts . I answered the phone, work called me and one of my 4 daughters called as well. I think it's neat that they know where to find me. If I'm not at one church I'm at another.......and I read a little. I ran last minute errands with the Minister of children- I'm her official volunteer admin assistant. I talked with the new youth pastor over how it's going. He still has that glazed look but I think he can run the copy machine now. I talked with my best work friend, who was worried when i wasn't at work, but was relieved when she knew I was at home church. She's a good egg, over easy, just the way i like friends. I talked with both co-pastors and the financial secretary who lives across the street from the latest extreme home makeover. It will be shown in January. For a week she slept with ear plugs and her head buried under her mattress. No kidding 24/7 they work to get those projects done. She was there for the "Move that bus" I asked her about it. I think she 's still a little tired because she said, "Well, they said Move that bus, and then they moved it."

Today was just like being at work except I didnt' get paid money for it , I got paid in love and friendship energy and i picked my day. Actually, the two partner up pretty darn well. I love my job and I love my home church. It's a good mix.

I offered a volunteer admin asst job to someone special at work church and she said yes. So now, when I'm not there, sometimes she is there and that makes the plants and office happy.

Offices need that flow to keep them warm and fuzzy. Home church and work church are all that.

High security copy machine codes

Sometimes she felt like Anne Southerland, or the nameless stenographer on Perry Mason. How long would it be before they realized she was not a real secretary, admin assistant, copy girl. When would they figure out that she was Just. Playing. Office……

Adventure for the day- The copy machine has a security code. Why, you may wonder. Perhaps it is because without it, the possibilities of terrorists printing terrorist pages becomes more possible. Perhaps there is the threat that the secret hidden inside the machine will be exposed without the security code. Of course, I know there is a leprechaun who lives inside that thing, I learned that early on. I think he's 6th cousin twice re-glued to the shoemaker elves. I heard that modern day changes drove them out of leather and into paper,but that's just rumor. The point is that the copy machine has a very very complicated secret code that is only given out to new employees under the full moon. The number is.... 4444When you put in too many 4’s for the copy code, the machine will print out 440 of whatever you wanted to copy- even if you only wanted one. The “pause”button is useless as it ignores those who make such a frivolous error. “Stop” doesn’t work ;and you can push the reset button until the plastic cracks, but the machine, when pushed to the too many 4’s level will print /vent until all 440 virgin white 20 pound sheets are marked.

Helpful hint for the day- Sometimes, in the course of our busy office days, we come across exiled piles of mistaken paper gangs. The misfit pages suffer dreadfully from low self-esteem, having been tossed aside because of their mismarkings……Rather than discard the already insulted sheets, cut them into useable note-size paper. You’re happy to have something to write on, and the paper is glad to be reborn as useful memos.

Needless to say, I have an abundance of homemade note paper. Why, I'm sure I have at least 440 pages cut into note taking pages. At least.


Melanie