Pandemically Speaking, 1

From the desk of the mottled brain of the Church Chick who is pecking away again to friends who don’t mind  her doing so-

What a world, these days, right? Well, well, well. Let’s all try to stay well and help that happen with those we love. Let me name it right upfront. IT’S FREAKING SCARY! There is no flippancy to be found, no hearty laughter, whimsical widgets, teasing or jokes. They are all  presently in hibernation until sometime later. Or later than that. Please know that the only thing I know of that is radically fit right now is FEAR. And so, along with that, I have to say that as a Church Chick trying to be grounded in all of this ungroundedness, I’m needing to share meaningless this and that’s- and writing can be calming. So here we go-

Typically, and for a long time, I have found calm and peace by searching and watching real and horrid criminal cases on YouTube. I have written of this obsession in past Church Lady Chronicles. Last weekend, suddenly, and without warning, I could not bear to know the verdicts, watch the interrogations, confessions, sentencing, or even the crime scenes. It was all overwhelming. Why? WTF?

These days I live alone, but for many years, while raising my beloved daughters, we had a full household of total chaotic bliss. I loved those years with them. For nearly 20 years now, I have lived alone and I like it. I have grown accustomed to having peaceful time to myself (as described above)- until this Outer Limits virus hit and demolished peaceful anything.  First the news geared up, and I thought the networks were making up for lost time due to a relatively non- winter event winter. Feeding us with anxiety coated in scare. The truth became clear soon enough. Now, weeks later,  I don’t think that is what happened at all. Add to that, the stimulation meter hitting red at work. It's been rough-riding the waves of “What will we do at church? How will we handle the coming days? What’s the plan?”That’s when I began noticing I had a shadowfriend coming home with me. Someone I had carried inside me all my life decided to attach itself to me all the time, every day and every night, right out in the open.  I had to scoot over to let my shadow, FEAR, share my tiny bed. My grocery bill skyrocketed, then dropped to nothing, then shot up again. I wanted to walk miles, but my recovering and aged body couldn’t keep up very well. A few times a week, a few miles, and then the old joints go kaput, sizzle, fizzout.

I tried hard to outsmart that obnoxious booger. Went to bed early- it was already in the covers, sometimes snoring or moaning. Falling asleep on the safe couch would only give me a few hours’ respite before I could feel its wriggly feet pushing against mine from the other end of the couch. I tried scooting to work in the cloak of darkness only to hear the passenger seatbelt click before I had even clicked mine. Rude...

And now this- the inability to find respite in watching other people’s heinous crime details. I did not know how in the world I would be able to sleep again. What other white noise could there possibly be to lull me to sleep when criminals and their activities on YouTube failed? I searched and searched. Fast forwarded and skipped. The answer? Yes, I finally found one, well for now at least. I’m embarrassed to say, because it just can’t compare with the thrill and excitement crime stories have given me for so long, but I think maybe if there’s an overage of stimulation at work, something a few steps down may be what I need right now, so I’ve started dozing off to depositions. 

Yes, depositions where someone is sitting in an uncomfortable office chair with the same backdrop many of us had in elementary-high school for school pictures, and they are trying to look unemotional while they get bulleted with questions and reworded questions that will inevitably lead to their obvious guilt on some sort of low lying situation. Basically, there is a good amount of lying, some great demonstrations of side-eyeing, and mostly low volume responses from the one who is being questioned. There’s a lot of back barking between the lawyers who are behind the camera where you can’t see them. You can sometimes see a few flailing fingers, but it is clear they are practicing their objections and throat clearing and bullytalk, hoping for their Perry Mason bigger days to come. So for now, it’s deposition lullaby, and for now, I’m okay with that. These days are filled with new ways and means.

An absolute truth is this-Wow. 16 years later, and I’m still learning. Actually, I learn something every day, but pandemically speaking, from this church chick’s nest, I’m learning a LOT these days, and I’m kinda hoping to show and tell here,