P.S. Call me paranoid, I don't care

I'm old. Not quite as old as sand; close to dirt, though. I've worked since I was 10, first co-babysitting, then on my own, then nannying some, and you know the routine- the first "real" job, then the first career, raising my girls, yadayada and now, I'm near the end of all that. I'd do most of it again, but not in this life, thank you.

I was recently, and for a time, repeatedly reminded of my mortality when, 4 years  ago, the universe thumped me on the back for no good reason, and I realized, "Oh, I may not always be upright. Huh."  Then the asteroid named COVID hit, and well, just well. I listened to the warnings for certain conditions and aged folks, whew, that's not me, except now it IS me. DRAT! On the other hand, I also get a few random discounts for things here and there. Yay discounts. Then here comes Murphy and his daggone Law, skulking around corners, hiding in the shadows, trying to be invisible. Well,I SEE YOU MURPHY AND YOUR- 'S- LAW AND I WON'T HAVE IT !  I WILL NOT! PLEASE STAY AWAY, PLEASE!!!

The thought occurred to me that this little engine that could has almost reached the retirement roundhouse and if I get ALMOST there and am kidnapped by Covidility, I will be SOOO Mad. I have worked hard to be able to not work hard. I have saved and pinched and hoped and planned for days when I can visit my favorite people when I want to, I have looked forward to watching my little grandgirls grow, reading stories, cuddling, not following any particular schedule as I choose, thank you. I want to read out back at home in my PJs.(Well, I already do sometimes, and it's awesome!)

Ergo, I am very vigilant in keeping my distance, washing my hands, and wearing a mask. Actually, I think it is safe to say I'm going above and beyond expectations. I keep my distance from others, AND myself whenever possible, I wash not just my hands, but my whole body in a special, hot, salt water disinfectant dunking tank, most every day,(very very much, why, I'd say exactly like lunchtime walking in the heat and humidity of our NC summertime), and I wear a whole body mask whenever possible, probablymaybe. In addition, I have made many masks for friends and family and enough for me to wear a clean one every few minutes. Groceries are delivered, I've requested an absentee ballot, and when at home, I try to embrace nature's offerings of peaceful quiet and calm. Still, I do not feel protected.

I don't know that there is a for-certain warranty for good covid-free health. If there is, Amazon doesn't carry it. If Amazon doesn't have it, its likely nobody does. So I am trying to be cautious and extra careful. I listen to Dr. Fauci, now that he has opps to speak again, and I listen to the Governor of New York, he's been through it, right? I want to know where vacations are, where you've been, who you've been with, etc, and don't even look my way without a mask on. Call me paranoid, I don't care. I don't want  to inadvertently share invisible obnoxiouscovidbug with anyone and it's not worth it to take a chance on getting it and possibly missing out on things I might look forward to and don't even know what they are yet.

My gut tells me we're in this new time for a while. Until we have a vaccine that helps at all, I don't see how we can be anywhere else. I need to see my tribe, my home, my girls. I'm driving up to see their faces and I've decided to stay in a clear trash bag so I can still see them, but risk free. No wait. That is not a good idea. I mean one needs to breathe. Maybe I'll up  the prayer and gratitude train and hope for the best, still so scary, still so hoping we have all been as careful as I think we have. Oh, man...

Gone are the days of having chicken pox or measles and announcing to the neighborhood so all  the kids can come get it together. This. Ain't. That.  I'm not really sure exactly What This Is, but I'm afraid and that's okay.