church lady office hats

It’s not only the church lady job that wears many hats, friends. The church chick’s office also serves many purposes.

Sometimes, as general conversation is birthed in the hallway, more concentrated issues arise from that and in those instances, the church chick’s nest acts as a funnel for those deeper continuations of hallway discussions.

There is something about crossing the threshold into my office that effects voice volume, I’ve noticed. The walls in my office must subliminally attract lower tones. Really important chats demand whispers. Funny thing about whispers. They stick. Many times, I’ve noticed my own pastor’s voice remaining hushed throughout the day after he’s been in my office whisper/discussing some important something. It makes for quiet hallways, but still, it feels a little ghostly.

Another hat that the church office wears is that of EMS, or ER Emergency Room. I keep band aids handy, and as previously mentioned, there is a hard and fast rule regarding the use of those. No blood –no band aid rules. On the occasion that band aids are in order, it is vital for the church chick to maintain her composure, to switch into mom mode. This happened recently when a visitor mis-stepped from her car and missed the curb. The sidewalk, insulted fom going unnoticed by the human- proceeded to snack on the visitor’s elbows and face. She was rattled, scraped and scrunched. We helped her into the cozy chair in my office and sponged her off, bandaided her up. I tracked down the Pastor who was slammed that day with counseling sessions back to back. He graciously came in my office to be sure she was okay. He is just that kind of caring soul. My biggest concern was the fact that we were all wearing a little bit of her blood, and his starched white shirt looked as if it wanted to get in on that , too. Somehow , we managed to keep his shirt away from her scrapes, and after speaking a few calming words to her, I sent him back into his next session- a couple anxious to wed. I just think the sight of a crisp white Pastor is so much more comforting than a blood spattered version. There’s plenty of time to talk about crucifixion later, right?

Sometimes people come in just because they can. I like those times the best.

There are other times when the sole purpose of my space is to provide HCVs- High Caloric Value foods. That’s okay, too.

Venting works well, if you crack your window to allow said vents to exit the building without confronting any solid surfaces.

Once, even, my office doubled as a Motel 6. I’m out of that business now, though. No more sleepovers for wayward wanderers.

Of course, we’ve housed church mice, and birds- so I guess that qualifies my office as zoo potential

Visitors sit in my comfy round chair while they wait to see the Pastor. The chair has been around longer than I have, and it is deep and round and feels like a hug when you sit in it.

Lost and Found
I have a spot called Melanie’s pick up/drop off spot, and this is the central location that I put all misplaced items. One member wears a hat, he comes in with it, and invariably leaves it in random places around the church. I like to track it down and put it in my pick up drop off spot and see how long it takes him to find it. It’s become a game. Oh, the distractions we seek out in the course of a day, eh?