Monday, June 20, 2005

Copy machine crisis

Church ladies battle endless challenges with misguided office equipment.

Sure,Pastors have to work with human dilemmas, and I’m not in any way saying I don’t respect that, actually I’m quite in awe of my own Pastors who never seem to stop going to see someone, or looking out for him, calling her, checking on them. It’s an ongoing tug-0-war, balancing home with all the needs of the church members who need them. But if they weren’t so darn good at what they do, if they weren’t so confounded gifted, they wouldn’t have to worry with so much overtime.

In this day and age, I’m actually a little surprised that the concept of the cold-hearted church hasn’t cropped up. Build it, tall and big and creaky and cold, damp and aged to begin with. Fill it with a quirky staff, and that should keep the hoards away. Oh.
Actually, that sounds a lot like my church, and people bicker their way in those doors, wait in the hall to see their Pastor … oh, well. Nevermind.

Getting back to the point- people can be full of whines and irritating habits, what have you- but sometimes office machinery takes the cake.

There’s a little known organization known as the POEIA (Pesky Office- equipment Intelligence Agency)…( The acronymn has a peculiar flavor-It sounds like a big big kiss you mouth to someone at the station when their train hits the track and they are rolling out of your life) It’s a cry-kiss-and-smile word.

Anyway, for centuries the poeia members have banded together to rid offices of CL’s. Yes, I’m talking conspiracy. You get the one sided copy figured out and then you discover the two-sided troubles. You finally master the two and here comes a booklet. I’m telling you there’s no end. Just no end.

Don’t ever let your guard down. This is where the crack comes in. You let your guard down, feel a little cocky at the copier, and you can be sure that inside that machine, your papers are being rearranged, turned upside down or worse. I heard of one case where the CL took long slow breaths while putting together a 4 page booklet. She finally got the pages to come out right and let out a yap yap. She thought, thought that no one could hear her excitement.

A few minutes later, when the head Pastor was reviewing the important booklet with his Associate Pastor, he called her into his office. Actually her psychotic phone called her in. She heard the announcement and went right over. He said, “ The service is in reverse.” She looked at the booklet, and sure enough the cover had been put on the back instead of the front. Horrified, she rushed down to the copy machine to make the adjustment.
“I’m sure I checked that , I’m just sure.” She thought to herself.

She reached for another sheet of depression green and alas…. Someone had eaten the whole thing. The paper was gone, the cubby vacant.
Criminy! I only need one!

She searched through a stack of discarded ,homeless sheets and found a lone green ranger huddled and crumpled in the corner. She pulled it out, went into the Parlor where the linens were kept, got the iron out and ironed the rejected sheet, then added it to the booklet and stapled it together.

Another crisis averted.

Church Chick

1 comment:

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