Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The next step after Calvin's demise

Catching up- The depression over losing Calvin laid over me like a warm soggy blanket. My  inside thinking mechanisms were out of order. I couldn't bring myself to think of what to look for. Another cabrio? No. I was loyal and true. Besides, how could I ever hope to find another one with the special gifts mine had? How many cabrios could sprout tomatoes? self -decorate in the winter weather, with real live icicles? save orphaned plants on the run.....

What about a truck? Of course not. I'm only a truck person 2 % of the time. How could I carry my special teen triplet friends in a truck? 

Nothing felt right or good. If a vehicle had wheels on it, I found a reason to nix the consideration. I reminded myself of my children years ago when one would want juice but not 'that' juice, and then not 'that' cup, and then not 'that' much or not 'that' little bit. I wasn't upset, I was cauterized still.

My daughter found a  car rental place open on Sunday and went with me to pick a foster car. I kept thinking it is just a borrowed car. not a real car someone would keep for any length of time. It is just a ride. "You don't have to like it or get to know it, my thoughts whispered. "It is a special task service vehicle to help you in your search."

My take-action daughter talked with the guy at the desk while I think-talked myself into the deal. Something inside me  thought if I had to have some temp replacement, then the smaller the better - maybe those were more likely to disappear and maybe I could disappear too. My logic said do a, b, c. My entangled emotions said do nothing. I felt it a rude action to drive another before the first had even been buried. I thought it criminal to drive a spiffy free wheeling anything while my baby was not even rusted yet.

Daughter was patient and sounded surprisingly chipper when she handed me the key to the rental. I recognized my own voice -of -old disguised in her voice of now.  I remembered,"Hey girls, let's go see Dr. Salter. It will be fun looking at the new rooms and all." I hid the tidbit about it being time for shots. We walked around the vehicle. The rental guy gripped his clipboard so tight it started clicking and slipping out of his grip. grip slip click. grip slip click. I sensed his anxiety and thought it kind of him to try to understand how I felt but later decided he probably thought I was someone from Corporate headquarters, testing his patience, which I was doing quite well.

I  walked around again. I could not make myself get close enough to touch the handle despite my attempts at reaching for it. Daughter led me into the open door and smiled as she closed it. I sat. looked at the dash, the gizmos and gadgets. I wanted Calvin. I heard a muffled "MOM" through the window and cranked the engine. When I drove off, the rental guy was scratching and shaking his head and my daughter was patting him on the back and offering him a tic tac.

I got "the call" a couple of days later from a Dragnet insurance adjuster who was at the tow yard. She was sharp and direct and quickly let me know how much repairs would be. They outweighed the car's value (according to Kelly blue). My option of taking measures to put Calvin on life support or pulling the plug fell apart. There was no choice. I just needed to say okay and wait for the check. Kelly Blue does not take into consideration true value points.  What do books know anyway? Kelly can say what Kelly says, but I knew, knew deep in my heart, that that cabrio was priceless. It had been very good to me despite its illnesses over the years.

When I was exploring other 4 wheel possibilities to see what kind of spending numbers we were looking at, it was easy to see the list of options and yay or nay them. the problem was that not all options were listed. Manuals were cheaper than automatics. Extras like AC and Steering wheels included were more expensive in the used cars I looked at. What about the other important options?
  • Carries bulbs and oversized plants well
  • cooks dashboard delicacies
  • loves to play loud music
  • Is willing and sort of able to carry 15 or more concrete blocks without losing steering strength
  • accepts stuffed garbage  bags with composted leaves or dirt and will hold them for extended lengths of time
  • sprouts seeds in a timely fashion.
  • holds oversized yard sale furniture without
  • carries extended lengths of bamboo borrowed from vacant rental properties- in style.
  • quiets screaming children with the top -down- child- safety -plan

Some said It had been chronically ill in the later months of his life. He did suffer brake indigestion issues, 5 flats in a 6 month period but he didn't smoke and he didn't drink much.  Some weeks were 10$ weeks and other were 20 it depended on his frame of mind
I prefer to say he was a special needs vehicle with lots of extraordinary character traits and gifts.

It was time to start looking for a new vehicle. Not a replacement for Calvin, mind you.
I was resistant. Friends were excited.

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