Tuesday, December 04, 2007


I have probably killed 2 sequoias this week alone with the corrections and copies I've made for the upcoming Charge Conference. Please, forgive me. We can only hope that some of the seeds that sit in my birdfeeder have at some point been blown away and into the ground to become bark of sorts. We can. Only. hope.

A few years ago.as I looked into what this job entailed, I recall some reference to working during the month before something called annual church charge conference. working over -working under -working beside. There was no such information, however that also let me know I would be calling, chasing after, begging for, praying to... so here we are and that's what the "rest" of the story is, my friends.

I am as ready as I can be for the big day/night tomorry. Almost all forms in, though none copied. Almost all names plugged in, though not all calls returned. This is just a plain almost week.

My gnome (door guarder of my office) almost lost his legs today in an inner hallway accident. The membership secretary/my candy striper friend rushed him off and put him back together. She, apparently has been certified in Humpty Dumpty First Aid. Who knew? Here's what happened...

When I left work to meet a friend for lunch today my boss had plucked my miniature door guard up and away from his post, and was considering taking him (gnome) to a special Christmas lunch that was going on today. (exit -me)

Suddenly, the poor elf leaped out of my boss's hands in fear at the idea. He landed feetlings first a few inches from his watch stand (better known as the door frame to my office.) I'm not clear how long he laid on the carpet in pieces, but I don't imagine it was more than a few seconds.

Witnesses at the scene said they heard "a strange combination of human/gnome-like cries and moans of sadness, shock and grief t hat traveled throughout the building." My poor boss doesn't have enough on his mind, does he? Added to the stress of this Charge Conference week, he had to deal with the trauma of a divebombing gnome...... The nurse managed the emergency,with speed and a caring manner.... hours passed. The elfin figure has since been returned to his post, newly glued together with liquid nail glue (that somehow seems fitting for a church. Wrong season, but right idea.)

I was unaware of the incident , but when I returned from lunch today, I noticed my gnome had gone missing and I thought surely my boss would not have taken such a creature to the club for lunch, surely he was speaking in jest. surely. I'll admit I was a little anxious about the possibility.

When my boss returned from lunch today, I asked him where my gnome was and the sad story unfolded. He was funny. My boss was so afraid to tell me.... Have I mentioned that this gnome came from the dollar store, where I purchased him on sale for the grand price of .26 cents? Yes, the Dollar store DOES have sales, yet another reason to say to the world, "Isn't America great?"

When I asked him where the gnome was, he was only able to say, " Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, he's in the hospital." My friend who (unbeknown st) to me was also the nurse, returned about that time carrying a suspicious small roll of pink bubble wrap.

I asked her, " Where's the gnome?"

She froze and shot a sideward glance at the Senior Pastor, who was very busy standing knee deep in guilt.

Without moving her mouth, she let slip, " Have you fessed up?"

He shook his head yes,and kept looking around for a stick or an outreached hand to help pull him out of the muck. The gnome muck.

She stepped into my office and unrolled the pink bubblewrap, slowly revealing said gnome, who although he had been broken, appeared to be back together still wearing a snazzy red Santa hat I made him while eating my oatmeal yesterday morning.

We looked at each other, then she murmured," Liquid nails"

The two then decided that the gnome may be permanently disabled and perhaps should not bear the burden of keeping my door from shutting tight, but I think he's up to the job.

As I look over my desk, he stands perfectly in tact- so strong and brave -his right hand holding his plaster beard, and his left hand at attention looking and looking out for ne'er do gooders.

Wow. and I thought my day was rocky.

note: The next time chaos and daily stressers send you close to the edge, think twice before you jump. ...or at least be sure you have a bottle of super glue or liquid nails within reach.


Belle said...

Stalwart, brave, good gnome!

KaKi said...

This is great!!! I am so glad this d*** charge conference thingy is almost over!! I know you will be relieved!!!Love!

Loonygin said...

So glad I was introduced before reading all the trauma. The crocheted hat is the crowning glory! Keep up the good work.