Thursday, August 16, 2007

Cry your eyes out

Crying is good for the soul

Crying clears out your sinuses>

Crying activates endorphins which in the end make you feel better

Crying irrigates your tear ducts

Sobbing can be a cardio-vascular activity

Wailing is often used as a voice training exercise for highly paid tenors who shall remain nameless

Tight self-hugging and rocking releases tension between the shoulder blades

Tears, if allowed to run their natural paths down the face and neck, have been known to act as a facial mask and can tighten skin cells

Today is National Cry It Away Day; join with other Americans in celebrating and commerating this Historical day by crying your eyes out.

>> Ben Franklin cried when that key shocked the crap out of his hand, but the history books don't often reveal that fact.

Galileo cried when he bonked himself in the eye with the telescope, and thus was born the milky way

Slaves cried while building the great pyramaid of giza, until the dry sandy air evaporated them before they could stick. Yes, the mystery adhesive was slavetears. This is why it took thousands of people and many many years to create those things. Yet another fact left out of the history books.

The great salt lake was first formed by a group of depressed middle aged women who had just sent their children away to be mormonized.

Oh, wise and weepy readers, relax, because today you are in good company.

Tips: Don't cry over toasters, hairdryers, or your keyboard.

®© crybabies matter, inc.2001

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Random comments roaming the halls

A custodian, who has an aversion to living creatures who have become non-living ( humans only. This custodian thoroughly enjoys killing wild game) is working nervously in the fellowship hall preparing the space for a funeral reception later in the morning. He is so involved in his work, he becomes unaware of his surroundings. The double doors open behind him. He does not notice. It appears that a smudge on the glass top table has caught his attention.

A walnut box, shiny and decorated with brass handles rolls his way. Something pops/creaks as it approaches him. He stops cleaning and glances to the side where he is looking face to face with a person who was of this world just yesterday. She is dressed for success, and is peacefully resting in her satin enclosure.

.......The secretary,rushing around to manage picture taking, service recording, and other chaos, walks past the front desk where she sees the usual Monday receptionist, reading her usual Monday novel. Sitting slightly behind her, in a child's chair, is none other than the custodian. Had he been a dog, his ears would have been back and his tail trembling between his legs.
" Uh, hey. Mr. Boston- what are you doing out here? I thought you were getting the reception ready?" the secretary asked
" Yeah, well, it's clean enough for now. "
"okay. " She left, but not before noticing his palor and the small collection of bitten off nails that lay at his feet.

Checking phone messages.VERY anxious and aggressive caller.
" This is Miss DeVARYus Blogstrum calling. I need to see you right this emergency minute.
I need to come get my light bill paid for because this is an emergency and they are gonna cut my lights off right now if I don't come down there right now this is de VARY Blogstrum calling and if you don't pay this bill right now, my oven will not work and this is an emergency and you need to call me at 555-7755 555-7755 555-7755 555-7755 DeVARY us Blogstrum. Please call me right now."

I hang up after writing down all of the messages and the phone rings. " THIS is DEVARY us BLogstrUM and i called you and you did not call me back and it is an very urgent emergency. I need you to pay my light bill right now it can't wait they are going to cut off my lights right now."

" Ms. Blogstrum, I just listened to your message, and you are welcome to come down here now if you'd like. I can't make any guarantees, but bring the bill and your Id and we can talk about it.

"Right NOW?"

"Yes, I'll be waiting for you."

"Oh, i forgot I had a death in the family, I can't come right now. and i got , well how about in 2 days? CAn I come then?"

"You have a death in your family?"
"Yeah, I forgot about that."

"Sure, come any day you can. I'll be glad to talk with you, sorry about the funeral"
" What?"
"Oh, are you going to the funeral for the death in your family?"
" Oh, yeah. Uh, yes I'm going. I gotta find out when it is"
" Okay, well.see you when I see you."


Member undergoes BIG surgery. I'm talking major organ inside out and round about surgery.
Equal to having legs and arms taken apart and put back to gether. Big Big. BIG.

Member calls.

"Tell me about Melissa May's surgery. I heard she was rushed into surgery"

"Well,yes. She was operated on at 6 a.m. and the surgery lasted til midnight, but she made it."

"Good, so is she home today?"

Good. so is she home TODAY? Did you get that, people?

It's been a day. oh, boy.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Global Warming and today's funerals

I am dully aware of the condition of our environment and have started to pay better attention to the warnings that global warming gives us. I saw Gore’s movie, An inconvenient truth. I wish I had been able to hear critical nformation in that manner when I was in school. I would have done a lot less scribbling and more paying attention.

I am in shock as to the number of ways we, as a civilization are effected by the big GW.

We are experiencing a heat wave of sorts. It’s August, of course, but the humidity has been up and the sun’s rays are more intense than I recall. The gnats are feeling it, too- their swarming just doesn’t have the punch this year. I haven’t had nearly the number of abnoxious gnats checking out my sinus cavities as in previous summers.

We’ve also had a run on funerals. It is not a funny affair, know that I know this. But my job, if I am to do it in the least bit of professional fashion requires that I fully remove myself from the heartache of death and focus on the details of helping YOU manage the heartache of death, and from where I sit, people are dropping like flies.

The bargain betty inside me wishes we could have bought some things in bulk. Flowers, food, perhaps burial boxes. Costco and Sams do not carry all of those items, however. I find it interesting that our recent deaths have been of those who have lived on this earth before we even voiced something called Global Warming. Many years ago, Global Warming meant something entirely different. It meant, find enough fuel to stay warm, not stop driving down your driveway to collect your mail. These folks lived in simpler times. Cleaner times. The challenges were very very hard, but different from today.

I’m sorry to lose people who can remember why we need to pay attention to getting back to nature. Many of our younger people lose sight of what that even means. Thank gosh the word remains in Webster’s listing. The more older people we lose, the more need I see for us to speed up our radar, to listen harder to information such as that Gore seems to be obsessed with, the time calls for it.

All we can do now, is to comfort the families who have lost their loved ones, but in those moments, I am seeing the loss of much more.