Friday, February 23, 2007

From the sick and soggy church chick

The winter sick season is here. I am the sole chickster responsible and I apologize. A couple of weeks ago,I made the mistake of asking my next door office neighbor how come we hadn't heard much about the flu on the news this year? I think she shrugged, which relieves her of any responsibility here. Her shrug could have just been a shoulder stretch, you know.

The very next day, hospitals were inundated with noro???virus victims, and others who had succumbed to the vicious flu virus. I purchased disinfectant wipes, and replaced the bubblegum bowl with cough drops. I set off a Lysol bomb. I also bought pleasing-to-the-eye-tissues. Too late. I noticed when I emptied the bag of cough drops into the ceramic bowl that they sounded a lot like mallets breaking glass, but nobody else seemed to notice. A while later someone came in and asked me why my office was so dark. I realized that i was working by the mini lamp that sits by my desk- alone. No Christmas lights, no standing lamps. The real clue of approaching illness though, was food related.

We had a very sad, and very large funeral that had a huge reception catered by a local steak restaurant. This place is the type of place you only go on special occasions, like when you get a really really large tax refund, realllly large. My buddy at work, fixed us a plate and brought it into the office cave. It had a huge slab of prime rib , and some chicken pasta salad, and a chocolate chess mini pie with real whipped cream on it. I ate the little pie, but couldn't handle the rest. That is a crime. Right there, a crime, I tell you. I went home and hit the couch. The fever and pounding head came along for moral support.

I miss work. It's not that I think they can't do without me, it is more like I can't do without work.
But i don't think there is enough room behind my desk for me to work prone. It's the upright position that is the challenge.... up isn't working for me right now. I'm trying to look on the bright side. Staying at home in bed can be a learning experience.

Yesterday, in between naps, I learned how to catch 606 crabs in rough seas. I was also one of the first to hear where the judge wanted Anna Nicole Smith to finally rest. I learned that women bootlegged by carrying liquor in a hot water bottle attached to shoulder straps so that it lay in between their shoulder blades as a back pack would. It rested in that nook and went un noticed. Al Capone's nickname was scarface, and the Valentine's Day Massacre hit the wrong targets.

Some of this information may very well come in handy at work. You think I'm kidding, don't you? Even at my worst, I am thinking of work. For instance, let's just say that the baptismal font is empty on a big baptism day. If we planted someone with a bootleg of holy water, perhaps a willing choir member who sits relatively near the font, well, then, we could refill incognito. Yes, we could.

And, if one of these days, we were to have another big food gig at church like the pig pickin we had one year, well, if seafood came up , I could tell you exactly where you could find 606 crabs and what to wear when you caught them. That is some vital info, let me tell you.

The day is young. No telling what I'll learn today. Right now, though, it's naptime.

1 comment:

"imagine the darkness in love with the light." said...

my poor sick churh lady. T_T i am sorry to hear that you too are sick. i am not but many of my friends are. and yes i know what you mean about that being vital info. cause it could really work. i wish you speedy recovery and also time to yourself that is worth while, and someone to make you homemade chicken noodle soup.