Tuesday, August 01, 2006

TisSHUE or NOT to tissue...

Tissue or NOT to tissue???

I’ll bet you think that the most important staple in a church setting is a Bible, second may be the hymnal, right? Ohhhhhh, friends and readers, I am here to set the record straight. The single (although I prefer TWO-ply) most important item a church needs, and a church secretary in particular, needs to have on hand is tissue. That’s right. Double ply, soft- as -a -baby’s -bottom- tissue. Emotions run amuck in the corridors of the church, and the number one job of the church chick is to be prepared. If you don’t have good strong, soft tissues on hand, well, you may as well write your own pink sheet and call it a day....or- Move on to a new career. You’ll never make it without a sheet to blow your heart out on. People come in to vent a little, celebrate a little, and often times to wait for their turn to unpack their hearts and souls in the Pastor’s office. The waiting can be drippy at times.

Tissues come all sorts of shapes and sizes. Their textures reveal their purpose. Note: If you ever run into a Pastor who has a box of fake tissues on his /her desk, run. Run like you have never run before. Fake tissues are slim sheets of cardboard stuck in a tissue box. It happens. There’s a company who manufactures paper towels, toilet paper and tissues specifically to curtail overuse by visitiors. Pastors who are not authentic, who would rather spin in their chairs than lend a true listening ear, will house those types of products and believe me, God is not in there anywhere.

Kleenex work pretty well, Puffs tries harder, and Fluff Outs need to be discontinued as soon as possible. Fluff outs blow out on the first dab. They smear makeup, scratch skin, and are moisture resistant. There is nothing more discouraging than having your tears run right down your face, and off of the tissue to the floor.

Some tissue companies offer combo products. I don't know why they can't just leave well enough alone. It's enough to make a grown chick cry.Lotion tissues will smear your glasses. Anti-bacterial will keep you from getting malaria, but they also leave you with a repulsive odor.
Tissues that include blood clotting agents, insulin-strength, foaming cloth varieties, they are all out there- but it has been my experience that less is best. Go for simply soft cry rags and you’ll be safe. Keep boxes on hand, and if you find any of those hard sheeted tissues, toss them, or use them to start a campfire.

3 comments:

loonygin said...

Oh- absolutely nothing but Kleenex- Woody was employed by Kimberly Clark.

Leslee said...

Oh yes!!! Tissues are a must, even in the finance office!

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