Friday, March 17, 2006

Phone book Phantom

Yes, it's that time of the year again. the new phone books are out. woo hoo.

This is the time of year that we are challenged to dispose of our old phone books.

LIfe is full of challenges, I don't see why this one needs to cycle around but it does. sigh...

I've tried to outwit the system, but have found that the phone book drop is as persistent as the US Mail. Yes, the mail doesn't always deliver in the right time or place, but they do deliver and that is what I've found with the phone book drop. Rain snow, sleet, bird droppings, nothing stops the process.

We had 15 sets show up on the floor in the mail room last week. 3 more came by some local delivery service a few days later, and yesterday, I turned in a parcel slip at the postoffice only to find out the parcel was another set of phone books. I'm convinced there's some sort of Government plan going on here. Maybe the pages are reconstructed from secret documents that were shredded. Maybe they are made of old disposable dirty diapers, plucked from the landfills. ARe the phonebookers trying to save the earth?

And the opportunities to deposit old ones into safe depositories are small at best. " We will accept outdated phone books on this day from 9:04 am to 9:06 am sharp. No exceptions" sigh again.

I've run out of ways to use these chunky books. They are too thick to use as a fan, they don't compost very fast, all the chairs in all the barbour shops in America are phone book occupied,but there are a few tasks that I have found these old phone books come in handy for.

They are great stress relievers when torn to shreds. Cats like to chew on the covers. I think the dyes calm them. Great weapons, great. lift and throw. lift and toss. Kick and punt. AS a security measure , they act as a strong barrier between burglars and you. build a wall of them at the bottom of the steps, and place random books around the living room and near the safe. Robbers will trip in the dark and it buys you time to call 911. They make interesting wall paper in bathrooms where you can practice reading small print. They stabalize furniture but caution here. At present, my sofa is suffering from the "princess and the pea" syndrome. It stands on 24 books and is nearly to the ceiling. AS is all my furnture, bed, dresser, desk, dining table, stove, book shelves.
well. There are only so many ways you can put those things to use.


Leslee said...

Thank you for making me smile. I usually just toss mine a year or two after it was out of date.

the reverend mommy said...

Hmmm... can I throw away the 1984 directory yet, do you think?

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