Thursday, August 25, 2005

Zip code Restriction Day

Oh, my Lord. I just have been having such adventures at the Post Office. Frank "trayed" me last week and when I took the slip to the counter he grimaced and said if he did a survey and surveyed me, I”d be fined $800 for having my box overstuffed so often. I backed away slowly and apologized profusely all the way to the car.

Today I dragged myself to the prisonPO, and noticed the scary cardboard cut out (Ms. Battle), has been abducted. She is nowhere to be found.
Some terrorized customer must have had her “taken out” in the dead of night,or perhaps she's been “recycled”, “reassigned”.. hmmm.
So today I had a package to go to Afganistan. Frank, my nemesis Postal desk clerk was on duty. He never looked me in the eye, but said to the computer screen, “ Are you aware of the restrictions to this zip code?” I looked at the shoebox sized package, weighing maybe half a pound and said, “uh, no.”
“ There can’t be any firearms, securities or currency or precious gems in their natural state.” I thought about the contents of the package being a deck of UNO cards and a jar of Newman's own popcorn. I wondered if the kernals might be hiding some emeralds or maybe even the Hope Diamond.
“ Like diamonds?” He shook his head but kept looking at the screen.
“ You can’t be sending diamonds or rubies, young lady. ...Unless they are in a ring. Or a necklace.” He picked up the package and put it back down. Then cleared his throat.
“ Any pork in there? You can’t send Pork to this zip code. Or any raw metals in their unmanufactured condition.”
I looked at the packing slip. “ popcorn, cards, and books. I don’t think there’s any risk of restricted item stowaways, but I'll admit that I don't know the title of the book, sir.”
Frank was absent of the humor gene, I had decided long ago. That thought rang true again at this moment. How sad for him. He took my money and I left. Then I started thinking. What if the book is diamond studded?? What if the popcorn is popped with the top off the pot? It could be considered a fire arm…or if the cards were sharp corners and not rounded. oh. Great. and what Was the book title? Charlotte's Web would never do- oh, good grief.

Church Chick


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