Monday, June 20, 2005

Your next appointment is here

The world is a-changing. Communication has gone from yelling in the fields, “Dinner!” to text messaging,. In the professional community, office settings provide boxes that cradle receivers and speakers and lots of buttons. Usually, one can gently push a particular button in order to reach a particular person to discuss important business matters. Church Secretaries spend a lot of time each day pushing those buttons. Typically, a ringing sound will let you know you are trying to “yell in the field” to the other party. … Once you've responded to the bell, you may be asked to send the screamer to another extention-But take caution here, ladies and gents… be forewarned….. In the event you push one of those benign buttons, say, to let your new boss know his next appointment is here, if your button pushing is not met with any particular response, DO NOT , I repeat… DO NOT :
Think the machine is faulty and try it again. Do not become more intentional in your button pushing.
Do not continue to push and hang up. push and hang up. ...And then again, each time hanging up a little more firmly
Do not try manually pushing the number extension instead of the intercom button
Do not hold the receiver close enough to lick and provide commentary as you are struggling to do the best job ever by telling your new boss that his next damn appointment is now here.

If , however, you do engage in this vocal and slightly physical exertion, you may as well know that momentarily, it is entirely possible that your boss will be standing over your desk, red faced and gripping the edge of your veneered desktop. He may speak through clenched teeth, saying something like, “ I can hear you. My intercom is on”.

If this occurs, my advice is to gently push away from the desk, casually look down and around the floor until you find the two bulging eyeballs that bungy jumped to the rug. Blow away any dust bunnies or stray paperclips they might have picked up and very very slowly… hold them out to your boss as a peace offering.

Although as a general policy, Church Secretary offices carry an open door policy, in this case it is perfectly okay and strongly advised to close your door until most of the embarrassment fuchsia wanes, until your freckles can be seen through the reddened skin.


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