Wednesday, June 15, 2005

The white board

Some churches have a message board where dying, sick, prayer-needing people are listed. The board holds good news and bad, and takes different forms depending on the communication priority levels of said church. Some use a black or green chalk board, others slam sticky notes on a door or nearby window, bulletin boards are popular in certain parts of the country, too. More recently, a modern version of the chalk board called a white board has taken on the role of message board. There are times when the board is overflowing with information, and then there are other times, when the sick have gotten better or moved on to a better place. These are important moments, as there is nothing more depressing than an empty white board, message board, or a chalk-dusty black board. It is the church lady’s responsibility to keep depression as low as the sense itself whenever possible.

Holidays can make or break a church staff. It’s true, and you know it. Think about it. Holidays carry a punch all on their own, multiply that pow by a congregation-fold and you’ve got the makings for a number one value-sized down-in –the-dumps for the clergy who interact so closely with the church peoples. One method of keeping the seasonal lows as low as possible is to manipulate the messages that get fed to the message board.

Here are some examples of Holiday fodder for the board:
· Sam sludge in ICU at Western Wake
· Junie Jacobs’ great grand mom died Sunday night
· Baby en-route with Mary and Joseph
· Sam Sludge still in ICU
· Junie’s great g’mom funeral Tuesday week at 2
· 3 Wise guys spotted following a bright UFO

· Sam Sludge moved to Rex rehab
· Alice Allison broke her ankle
· Stray cows and donkeys are migrating towards Bethel Manger Inn

· Sam…
· Alice..
· There was a non-violent demonstration of winged creatures chanting Taize verse near and around a manger in nearby Bethlehem
· Lost: 1 clay jar of Myrrh. If found, please contact Mel at
· Wanted: Tan Tabby double humped camel carrying gold and 2 bottles of spray frankincense. Last seen on Sandway #42.

· Sam went home
· Alice is on crutches
· This just in: The Herald Angel sisters sing that while shepherds watched their flocks, it came upon a midnight clear that 3 magi, after finishing their 10:00 show at the Manger’s Inn, headed over to Bethlehem and noticed that away in a manger lay a swaddled figure. The first Angel, Noel, was quoted as saying “Hey, ya’ll… What child is this?”

The second sister, Joy, said to the world, “Go tell it on the mountain”. A passing sheep commented later to this reporter that , “That’s Mary’s boy child, man. Know what I mean? Like, take a closer look, man”.

The boy child’s dad, Joe P. Seph sat around an open fire roasting chestnuts with the magi trio. The proud father bragged about the new babe. “That’s my boy, weighed in at just 6 stones, and has a cry that can holy a silent night.” Congrats to Mary and Joe on the birth of their holy child

· Babe will arrive on or around midnight ( barring sandstorm activity) tomorrow night on AA flight 1224.